


Surviving

by i_think_im_ready_to_go



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:20:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18105761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_think_im_ready_to_go/pseuds/i_think_im_ready_to_go
Summary: Overwhelmed with life, you let your best friend, Brendon, take care of you.





	1. Chapter 1

“Aaaand. Yeah. I think that’s about it for what’s happening with me.” you mumble, unfolding and refolding your napkin in your lap.

“So you’ve told me about WHAT you’re doing and what you need to be doing, but tell me… how are YOU doing?” Brendon asks, concern painted across his face. 

Sighing, you twirl your straw in your drink, avoiding eye contact with your best friend, “I… don’t know? I feed myself. Mostly. Ish. Occasionally? And I sleep occasionally.” You run a hand through your hair, considering, “I guess it depends on the day you ask me. But I’m surviving. I’m alive. But I’m definitely not thriving.”

“Honey,” he reaches across the table to grab your hand, “that… that is not surviving. That’s existing. Do I need to force you to live with me for a few weeks? Will you let me take care of you until you’re less overwhelmed?”

Your eyes snap up to look at him, “No, Bren! I’m fine. Really. I’m an adult. I can take care of myself. I swear.”

“I’m not denying that you can,” he rubs his thumb along the back of your hand, “but that doesn’t mean you have to. Let me take care of you.”

You bite your lip, trying to stop the tears forming in your eyes from falling, “I- Bren. You don’t have to. I don’t want you to go out of your way for me…”

With a sigh, Brendon stands up and walks around the table, “I’ll worry less about you if I can make sure you’re human. Please, Y/n, let me take care of you.” Reaching out, he awkwardly hugs you, and you wrap your arms around him, burying your face in his stomach. “Hey, shhhh, it’ll be okay,” he murmurs, patting the side of your head, “I’m here. I’ll take care of you. Let’s get you to my place, okay sweetheart? Come on.” Slowly, he grabs all of your stuff and holds you as he guides you back towards his car.

|———|

Shuffling after Brendon, you stop as he fumbles for his keys and unlocks the door. As he gets the door open, he grabs your hand and drags you through, and you follow him wordlessly. “Here, come on. First off, let’s put you to sleep,” he guides you in the direction of his bedroom until you stop abruptly outside his door.

“I- no. Bren. I can take the couch. I don’t want to put you out of your bed too. Me being here… it’s already too much! I can’t let you do this!”

Sighing, Brendon turns to look at you, “Y/n. We can talk about this tomorrow, but you need to sleep, and you’ll sleep better in my bed instead of on my couch. I’ll sleep on the couch toni- Y/n!” he exclaims as you try to interrupt him, “Stop arguing. I promise we can discuss this tomorrow, but I need you in a better mental state than you’re currently in.” Pouting, you drag your feet and shuffle into his room. Brendon exhales slowly, running his hand through his hair in exasperation before following after you. 

“Um,” you look at the bed, “can I borrow a T-shirt and shorts to sleep in?” Turning around, you blink slowly as you see Brendon already holding out clothes for you to sleep in. “Oh. Thanks…” you mumble awkwardly. 

“I’ll let you change. The spare toothbrushes should be in the drawer to the right of the sink, and the towels are in the cabinet above the toilet. Just, uh, yell if you need anything?” You nod, and Brendon pulls you into a hug, “I’m going to take care of you and get you through this. You’re my best friend Y/n so let me love you in this way.” Biting your lip, you sniffle and bury your face in his shoulder. “Awwww sweetheart,” he rubs your back gently, “it’ll be all right, I promise. We’re going to get through this together. Come on. Let’s get you in bed. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Nodding, you let go of Brendon and push him gently towards the door. “Thanks Bren,” you whisper, “it means a lot, you know. Having you worried about how I’m doing.”

Turning around he gives you a half smile, “Of course Y/n. I’ll always be here for you. If you ever need me, I’ll be here, whether you want me or not.”

You shoo him out the door and turn back to the clothes on the bed, hearing the door click shut behind you.  _ Alright. First things first. Let’s get changed.  _ Stripping quickly, you change into the clothes that Brendon gave you and smile at the soft, worn feeling of his T-shirt.  _ Okay now brush teeth. I need to brush my teeth.  _ Heading to the bathroom, you pause and look at yourself in the mirror, grimacing at the dark circles under your eyes.  _ Gosh Y/n. You look awful. No wonder you’re still single. _ With a sigh, you clean up quickly and climb into Brendon’s bed. Snuggling under the covers, you smile at the smell of Brendon surrounding you.  _ He’s the sweetest, taking care of me like this. I don’t know what I would do without him, really. He’s my safe space. I feel better around him, and even just his SCENT is calming.  _ Smiling in contentment, you allow your thoughts of Brendon lull you into a restful sleep.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

You stretch out and crack your back, awakening slowly. As you peel your eyes open, you freeze as you take in your surroundings. Finally registering exactly whose bed you’re in, you close your eyes and inhale slowly, taking in the smell of Brendon surrounding you. Relaxing, you try to remember why exactly you spent the night at Brendon’s AND in Brendon’s bed at that. Bolting upright, you check frantically to see if you had a bedmate last night, “No no no, we didn’t… did we? He- I- we… there’s no… oh thank God.” 

“Hey sweetheart, good to see you’re awake. Did you get some good sleep?” Brendon pokes his head into the room, and you jump guiltily at having thought he could possibly have taken advantage of your wrecked mental state. 

“Hey Bren. Slept great. Thanks for letting me stay over,” you toss the blankets off you and swing your legs around to get out of bed, “I’ll just, uh, get out of your hair now. Don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Oh no, no you don’t,” Brendon positions himself in the doorway, blocking your escape, “I’m not letting you go anywhere until you agree to let me take care of you for the next couple of weeks until stuff calms down in your life.”

Glaring, you get try to get past him, “Brendon. No. I can’t let you do that. I admit I’m having a hard time right now, but I can take care of myself.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, not letting you out of his room, “Y/n. I know you want to prove you’re a strong independent woman that doesn’t need a man to take care of you, and I respect that, but Y/n… part of being strong is knowing when to accept help that’s being offered. Letting me be there for you doesn’t mean you aren’t strong and independent. Being strong also means knowing when you need help. It means that you’re letting go of some of that pride and stubbornness that I love so much about you and letting me in. Please let me in, Y/n. Would this be different if I were one of your girl friends?”

Biting your lip, you look at him, considering, “I… I guess… I guess you have a point.”

“Okay great!” he exclaims happily, “It’s decided. You’ll stay with me for a couple of weeks until you’re less stressed and more able to take care of yourself.”

“On one condition…” you interrupt, “You are going to sleep in your own bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch. Even if you ARE taking care of me, giving up your bed for the couch is too much. I can sleep perfectly fine on the couch.”

Glaring at you, he tries to compromise, “No. You are not sleeping on the couch full time. We can switch off on the couch, but that’s it.”

You try to get past him again, but he continues to block your exit. With a sigh, you wave your hands at him, too exasperated to argue, “Fine, fine, fine. We can switch off on the couch. If that makes you happy, then we can do that. Now will you let me out? I’m thirsty and could do with a glass of water.”

Grinning at you, he steps to the side, “Of course you may go through. Thank you for letting me take care of you. By the way, I made breakfast. I wasn’t sure what you wanted so there’s eggs, pancakes, and bacon. Feel free to eat however much you want.”

“I- Bren…” you start tearing up, “you- you didn’t have to. You’re too good to me. Bren, I… I don’t deserve this. You REALLY don’t have to do this for me.”

Sighing, he pulls you into a hug, and you bury your face in his shoulder, “Sweetheart. I might not HAVE to do this for you, but I WANT to. You’re my best friend, and I can’t see you barely functioning without trying to help you in some way. I’m taking care of you and doing what I can in the way I can. I may not be able to take the load off you at work, but if I can make sure you’re eating 3 nutritious meals a day, then I will.” Inhaling Brendon’s scent, you calm your shuddering breaths. Quietly, he checks if you’re going to be okay, and you nod into his shoulder. Pulling back to look at you, he wipes your tears off you cheeks with his thumbs, and you sniffle at his tenderness. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get some breakfast.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey Y/n! I’m home! Brendon yells across the apartment, closing the door behind himself.

Putting your laptop down, you get off the couch and give him a hug in greeting, “You know you don’t have to yell right? Your apartment is only one bedroom, and I’m always on the couch anyways.”

“Yeah, but,” he shrugs, “where’s the fun in that?” Groaning, he bends down to unlace his shoes. “This might be a weird ask, but can you give me a massage or something later? My back is kind of tight.”

“Bren, you’ve been making sure I have lunch to take when I leave in the morning, have had dinner prepared or something ready to microwave when I return, and have been making me way better breakfast than I ever have made myself in my life.” Shuffling around, you scratch at the back of your neck, feeling awkward about how much he’s done for you, “Also, you’ve given up your bed half the nights of the week, and you’re just generally letting me invade your living space. There’s no way you’ve had even a minute of time to yourself since I unceremoniously moved in. The least I can do for you in repayment is give you a massage.”

“I… not to say I, uh, haven’t done all those things for you, but none of those is particularly noteworthy. I’m just taking care of you like I promised.”

“Not noteworthy?! I don’t know what planet you live on Brendon Boyd Urie, but all of those things are noteworthy,” you argue, “People at work are taking notice that I have good meals for lunch all of a sudden, and I’m looking less tired and a bit less stressed.”

Looking up, he gives you a happy grin, proud of himself for taking good care of you. “See! I’m helping take care of you, and you’re on your way back to being a fully functional and thriving human again! All in the job description for a best friend.”

You roll your eyes at him and point towards the couch, “Well noteworthy or not, I am going to be giving you the greatest back massage you’ve ever had.”

Settling onto the couch, Brendon braces himself for the feeling of your hands all over his back. You rotate him so he’s facing the arm rest and sit down behind him. Starting at his shoulders, you work your thumbs in, massaging firmly, and he groans as you work through the tight muscles, “Is your back messed up because you’ve been sleeping on the couch? I’ve been staying over for a week now, so you’ve spent… 4 nights on the couch? I know I’ve been a little tight, so you’re probably feeling it too.”

Brendon shrugs noncommittally, “Maybe. But it’s the best compromise for both of us until you’re better.”

“Wellllll,” you start, “we could always…”

“Always what?” he questions, rolling his shoulders under your careful hands.

“We could always just share the bed.”

“What?!” He winces as his head whips around to look at you, “Share the bed? You don’t have to Y/n. I’ll be fine, I promise. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Stopping the massage, you rest your hand on his shoulders, “Brendon. You have a full sized bed, and in case you’ve somehow forgotten, you’re a small person. We’ll both fit in that bed perfectly fine without touching.”

“I- no… Y/n,” he protests quickly, “Touching or not, you’re not going to sleep as well with me in bed with you. It’s just a fact of life. Even if we aren’t touching, you’ll still be aware of me just… there… a living person in bed next to you…”

Rolling your eyes, you interrupt his ramble, “Relax Bren. I’ve shared beds with people before. It almost seems like you don’t want to share a bed with me. I don’t bite or snore or anything. At least none of my ex’s have said anything.”

Carefully controlling his expression at being reminded of your string of ex-boyfriends, Brendon closes his eyes to give himself a second. “It’s not that… I just think that we shouldn’t share the bed. Not only will it affect both of our sleep, but I just- I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with it.”

Sighing dramatically, you start massaging his back again, “I don’t know that I understand what’s going on your head. I know I’m single and all, but are you afraid I’m going to jump you in your sleep or something?”

“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s me,” Brendon mumbles under his breath, groaning as you hit a knot in his back.

“What’s that?” You pause to listen to him better, “You’re worried that I’m going to jump you? I promise I won’t…”

“No, it’s not that,” he interrupts, “It’s just that we’re both still single. How are you supposed to explain to any person that you may potentially date, huh? How do you explain sharing a bed every night with another single man? I just… if I were to meet someone in that situation, I wouldn’t want them sleeping with someone else. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I would assume that they’re friends with benefits or something, and I don’t know if they would be able to persuade me otherwise.”

“Bren… In case you forgot, I’m really crazy busy right now so it’s not as if I have a particularly active love life. Besides, we’re best friends. We’ve been best friends since middle school. We literally grew up together, and that means I literally cannot fathom the idea of having sex with you. I saw you do too many stupid things when we were little, and I know too many embarrassing things about you. So if I actually DO end up with a date somehow, that’s all I need to tell him and if that doesn’t appease him, then we can go back to alternating on the couch. If he’s STILL not okay with that, then he’s not worth it.”

Gaping at your declaration, Brendon blinks, stunned, “I- Y/n. You really don’t have to do that for me. And I would never, uh, think about, um, having… having sex… with you. Not at all. It’s never really occurred to me either…” Looking down at his hands in his lap, he grimaces at the blatant lie.

“Bren, you’re my best friend and that means we come as a package. Anyone that doesn’t get that just isn’t worth my time. And, um…” you bite your lip nervously, “I hope that you feel the same about me?”

“Of course I do!” Brendon replies quickly, “I’d never let a girl come in the way of our best friendship. You mean the world to me, and I’ll never let anyone come between us.”

Giving him a hug from behind, you rest your chin on his shoulder, “Okay. Good. I mean, I don’t want to get in the way of you getting a nice girlfriend either, but I don’t know what I would do without you. I know you haven’t been dating much in the past year or so, and… that doesn’t have anything to do with me does it? Our friendship isn’t holding you back from finding someone is it?”

“I- I- Of course not.” Brendon scoffs as you start massaging again, “I could have a girlfriend if I wanted to. I just… haven’t really found anyone I’ve been interested in…” He grimaces and mutters under his breath, “Well, anyone other than you.”

“What’s that?” You ask, pausing your massaging movements, having made it all the way down to his lower back.

“Hmmm?” He makes an innocent sound, “I was saying there just hasn’t been anyone I’ve been interested in. That’s why I haven’t been on many dates recently.”

“Oh, well. Okay then. Fair enough. Oh and I’m done with your back,” you give him a light kiss at the back of his neck, “Feel better?”

Brendon stretches out with a grunt, “Yeah! Feels great! Thanks, Y/n. You’re the bestest. I’m just, uh, gonna go take a quick shower now, and um, there’s stuff for spaghetti in the cupboard if you’re hungry. Or I can make it in a bit. But, uh, yeah. Shower first.”

“I’ll make it!” you pipe up, hopping off the couch quickly, “so you’ll have a nice hot dinner waiting for you when you finish showering.” Rising from the couch, Brendon waddles awkwardly towards the bedroom. “Hey, you okay? You seem to be limping a little. Did you need a longer massage?”

He pauses, not turning around, “I’m fine. I promise. Just my legs are a little stiff. A hot shower and everything will be better.” Limping the rest of the way to the bedroom, he quickly grabs a clean set of clothes and heads to the bathroom.

Closing the door, he strips and enters the shower. He rests his forehead on his arm, against the wall, water streaming down his back, mumbling to himself, “God, Y/n. You have no idea do you? None at all.” Glancing down, he chuckles wryly at his cock, half hard just from the feeling of your hands on his back. “Sleep in the same bed. Fuck. You’re going to kill me someday.”

He grabs the body wash and pours a little on his hand. Reaching down, he grasps his cock and slowly strokes himself to full hardness. “Fuck, Y/n. I’m going to finally have you in my bed, and I’m not allowed to touch you. God, just how masochistic AM I?” Stroking faster, he grunts, trying to block out the memory of the feeling of your hands working up and down his back. In replacement, his mind conjures up the image of you hugging him from behind, hand moving up and down his cock, “Fuck, just like that. That’s- that’s perfect. You- you- you feel so- so- God Y/n. You’re perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

Ripping his hand away, he gasps as his cock throbs, begging for more friction. “Fuck- can’t… not yet. Gotta make this good… can’t… can’t get aroused tonight. I- fuck- I can’t touch her. I’m not… Jesus.” He takes his balls and rolls them gently in his hand, waiting for his heart rate to calm slightly.

“I- okay. Fuck. Can’t get off to her. It’ll- it’ll make it… no. Don’t do it, Brendon. Don’t do it.” He takes his erection back into his hand and squeezes gently, moaning as it twitches. “Okay think of- something else- someone else. Who else is hot?” He racks his brain for someone else to jack off to. Almost immediately, an image of you lying in the sun in a tiny bikini at the last beach outing pops into his head, “No- not- not her. I can’t. No.” You bite your lip and look over the top of your sunglasses at him, beckoning to him with a finger. Brendon gasps, hand flying. “Fuck Y/n. So hot. You're so- God you’re sexy. Wait, no- not her. Can’t. Not.” With a grunt, he’s coming hard, splashing over his fist and across his stomach. Groaning guiltily, he washes off and finishes showering, preparing himself to have to face you right after coming to the image of you.

|———|

“Come on Bren, let’s go to bed,” you grab Brendon’s hand, dragging him to the bedroom, “because I’m tired, and I don’t trust you to NOT sleep on the couch if I go to bed first.” Groaning, he tries to protest. “No. We’re going to sleep now. And you’re sharing the bed with me.”

Grabbing your pajamas, you head to the bathroom, calling over your shoulder, “You can change in here, and I’ll change in the bathroom.” Quickly changing, you consider why Brendon seems so reluctant to share the bed with you. You shrug, figuring he’ll understand when his back is better again.

“Hey, Y/n,” he knocks on the bathroom door, “Can I brush my teeth please?”

“Oh yeah,” you open the door for him, “by all means.” You gesture towards the sink then join him in brushing your teeth.

Walking back to the room, you both stop and look at the bed, “Do you want…” Brendon coughs awkwardly, “the right or left side?”

“Well…” you start, “I’m usually a right side sleeper with my last several ex’s, but I could sleep on either. Do you have a preference?”

Eyebrow furrowing at the mention of your ex’s, Brendon thinks for a second, “Well, it’s been, um, a while since I’ve shared a bed with anyone, but I don’t really have a preference really.”

Climbing onto the right side, you indicate for him to take the left, “I don’t usually have issues stealing all the blankets in my sleep, and I PROMISE I won’t jump you or anything.”

Brendon climbs under the blankets, suppressing a sigh, “I trust you, Y/n. Have a good night.” You scoot so you’re as far from him as you can be, trying to make him as comfortable as possible, and he flips so his back is facing you.

“Good night, Bren. Thanks for taking care of me.” Within minutes, your breathing has slowed, and you’re already fast asleep. Turning onto his back, Brendon bites his lip, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out how he even got himself into this position. He sighs and closes his eyes, willing himself to ignore your warm body and the occasional snuffling you’re doing in your sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

Waking suddenly, you tense, realizing that there’s someone spooning you from behind. As you open your eyes, they flick down, and you see a familiar hand. You exhale slowly and relax, enjoying Brendon’s warmth and comforting touch. His slow breathing is soothing, and a sense of calm washes over you.  _ Not that he knows it, but he really is my safe space. No one has ever had this type of calming effect on me like this.  _ Settling back, you lean gently into his embrace, closing your eyes and reveling in the peacefulness of the feeling. 

A while later, you feel Brendon’s breath hitch and his arms tighten around you before, “Oh, fuck, I’m so sorry.” He releases you and pushes away quickly, rolling off the bed. “I’m so, so sorry. I- fuck.” Running his hand through his hair, he looks at you, worriedly. “I’ll, uhhhh… just, uh… I’ll just go make breakfast.” He scrambles out the door, ignoring your calls after him.

“What on earth was that about?” you mumble to yourself, “He doesn’t think I care does he? I was enjoying the cuddles…” Shrugging, you get up and head to the bathroom to shower.

|———|

“Hey, Bren!” you call, as you enter the front door, “Are you home yet? I need your help with something!”

The door to Brendon’s room opens, and he pokes his head out, hair going every which way, “What’s up? What do you need help with?”

You smile at him giddily, “So I’ve been feeling much less overworked and stressed lately, thanks to you, and one of my coworkers who’s been keeping up with it all asked me out for drinks tonight. Like, on a date! I need your help deciding what I should wear!”

“I, um, okay. Sure. Of course I’ll help you,” Brendon suppresses a frown and rakes his hand through his hair, messing it up even further. 

“Great! Thanks!” you chirp, “I’ll just, uh, pull out some options, and, um… I guess I should put them on and show you?

Biting his lip, Brendon nods at you, “Yeah… yeah, that’s fine. I’ll sit here, and you can come out and show me…” He sighs as you skip into bedroom, eager to try on some outfits for him. “Suck it up Brendon,” he mumbles sadly, “She’ll never look at you as more than a friend. You need to just get over her already.” Settling back on the couch, he waits for you come out.

“Okay! How’s this?” You come out of his room in a pair of blue jeans, a slouchy gray cardigan, and black flats, biting your lip nervously.

“Uh…” he blinks at you, “I mean… You look good, like, really good… You said drinks right?” You nod in affirmation. “Well, that looks awesome on you. I like it. And, um… your, uh…” he scratches his neck self-consciously, “Your ass looks, um, reallygoodinthose.”

Brightening considerably, you grin at him before craning around to get a look, “You think so?

“Jesus,” he grimaces to himself, “Be more awkward, why don’t you, Brendon? Ass looks good...” Shaking his head, he tries to get the image out of his head of your jeans perfectly hugging your ass in all the right places.

“Soooo what about this?” Looking up, Brendon finds you in the same jeans and flats, now paired with a black blouse with a low cut v down the front, held together by a strap of fabric at the top. At his sharp inhale, you start talking quickly, “I mean… I kept the jeans since you seemed to like those, but is this… I like this one…”

“No. Absolutely not,” he replies quickly, “Way too much cleavage. This is a first date, Y/n. We’re not trying to sell your body. I mean… I don’t want you to, uh… It’s just… No. Not that one.” You open your mouth to interrupt his rambling then give up and wait for him to finish. “I do think those jeans look great on you, and your, uh, cleavage looks fabulous in that top but, uh… just no. Too much. You don’t need to be showing that much skin.” Nodding, you turn around wordlessly and re-enter his room to try on one last outfit.

Groaning, Brendon lays his head back on the couch before grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his lap, “She’s… God, she’s hot.” He sighs and rubs his eyes, trying to squash the overwhelming feeling of protectiveness. “He doesn’t deserve to see that on the first date. Don’t want him getting any ideas that he can… Fuck.” Curling up into the pillow, he grumbles to himself about the unfairness of the whole situation, “He doesn’t deserve to put his hands on… God, her boobs in that… so… just…” he bites back a moan. 

“Okay last one,” you pull the door to his room open slowly, “I… haven’t worn this in a while, but… I… I think I look good?”

As Brendon looks up, he’s forced to suppress a whimper at the sight of you in a small black dress, cradling your ass, and a pair of heels doing wonderful things to your legs, “Y/n... “ he sighs, hugging the pillow closer to his lap, “Are you TRYING to get laid tonight or something? Because that dress and those heels are screaming ‘Fuck me’ at least as first date attire goes.”

“I… oh,” you wring your hands awkwardly, “I just… wanted something that I was confident I looked good in. I guess this is… this is too much? Do I look bad and like I’m trying too hard?”

Sighing, Brendon beckons for you to sit on the couch next to him, “Look, Y/n… You look amazing in that. From your best friend, you look drop dead gorgeous is almost anything, and you look smoking hot in that. That being said, pick the first outfit. You look great in that, I promise. And it won’t give your date any wrong ideas about what you want from him this time.” He looks up at you, eyes wide and pleading.

“I… okay then… I trust you. Thanks Bren,” you lean over and give him a quick kiss on the forehead before getting up to change back into the first outfit and put a little makeup on before leaving. As you walk away from him, still in the heels, Brendon’s eyes are pulled to your ass and swaying hips. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles, “She’s going to kill me. She’s literally going to be the cause of my death. And she has absolutely no idea what she’s doing or how I feel.”

|———|

“Hey, Y/n. How was the date?” Brendon calls from the couch, turning around at the sound of the door opening.

“It was alright, I guess,” you reply with a shrug, “He was just kind of… he wasn’t super interesting, and it felt like I was holding up the conversation the entire time. It was really tiring actually.”

“Awwww I’m sorry,” his face pulls into a frown, “I guess that means no second date?”

You hug yourself, having taken your coat and shoes off, “Well, no. I just… I had to be ‘on’ all night, if you know what I mean? And I’m… I’m exhausted, Bren. We were out at a bar, and I just felt like…” your shoulder start shaking as you curl into yourself, “I just… I was on a date! So I felt like I had to present my best self, and that takes a lot of energy. And I’m just not… I’m not actually that high energy yet. I don’t have that much energy to spare right now.”

Brendon gets off the couch and walks toward you with his arms out, “Awww baby. Do you need a hug? Let me give you a hug. Come here. Come on. There we go,” he wraps his arms around you, “Shhhhh it’s okay. You can be yourself here. Any version of yourself that you need to be. Even if you think it’s the worst one. I won’t judge you. You know that.”

Burying your face in his neck, you inhale his scent, “I-i-it was just a lot, Bren. I… I just… this was a mistake. Thinking that I was doing well enough to go on a date. I’m so overwhelmed with everything still. I… I thought that maybe… maybe getting out would take my mind off everything, but it… didn’t help. I’m just exhausted.”

“Aww sweetheart,” his arms tighten around you, “Let’s get you to bed okay? You’ll feel better once you get some rest.”

Clinging to him, you ask desperately, “Can you- will you stay with me tonight? Like… will you hold me? Please Bren, I know… I know you might feel weirdly about it, but I need… I need you to hold me… Please?”

Brendon sighs and kisses the top of your head, “Alright sweetheart. I can hold you until you fall asleep. Come on. Let’s get you ready for bed.” Leading you to the bathroom, you brush your teeth together, and he guides you gently to the bedroom, turning around while you change into your pajamas. He lays down on his back and holds his arms out for you. Climbing on the bed after him, you settle into his embrace and throw an arm across his body. He inhales slowly as he feels your breasts press up against his torso as you scoot in so your body is flush with his. 

“G’night, Bren,” you mumble, already falling asleep. Closing his eyes, he wills sleep to come quickly and prays that he doesn’t dream of you when it does.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey Bren,” you start through a mouthful of toast, “I think it’s probably time for me to get out of your hair and move back to my place.”

“Huh?” Brendon turns around from the eggs he’s scrambling on the stove, “You want to leave?”

“I mean… I think it’s time… I’m doing much better now, so I don’t need you to take care of me anymore. I’ll miss the hot breakfasts, and I’ll miss seeing you everyday, but I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” you shrug helplessly, “You’re going to get tired of me invading your space at some point, and so it’s better if I move out before that happens.”

Turning the stove off, Brendon comes to sit down next to you, “Y/n. You can stay as long as you need. I’m not going to make you stay, but I’m not going to tire of you being here. Personally, I would like you to be 100% better before you, uh, move out? And I enjoy having you here. Just… stay a little longer? I’ll be more comfortable if I know you’re really better and able to take care of yourself.”

You reach over and ruffle his hair playfully, “I… Fine. I’ll stay another week or two if it makes you happy. But if my being here starts getting on your nerves, you have to let me know, alright? Or if you want to bring a girl over or something, I can make myself scarce.”

Brendon scoffs, “As if. I haven’t had a date in months. I doubt that’s going to change anytime soon.”

“As your best friend, Bren,” you place a hand on his shoulder, “I think you should try going on some dates. You’re going to be a bachelor forever at this rate! And not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I know you, and I know you’ll do well with someone in your life to take care of. You’re doing it with me right now, and... well, you deserve to have someone in your life to spoil.”

With a frustrated sigh, Brendon runs a hand through his hair, “I just. I’m not ready right now, Y/n. I just… I have you to take care of right now and… that’s enough? I don’t need to date anyone right now… I just don’t really want to.”

“Bren! What are you talking about? You should get out there and go on some dates! I KNOW you, and I know you’ll do better with someone in your life. Not to say you’re not doing well right now, but, you have a huge heart, Bren, you deserve someone sweet who can love you and care for you too. You’re always giving, and you deserve to be spoiled too. Just look at me! You’re giving me so much, and I’m just taking and taking! You should have a nice, sweet, gorgeous girl in your life,” you wave your hands around in exasperation, “I don’t really know what your hold up is, Bren, but just think about it okay?”

“I- okay,” he sighs, “I’ll think about it. I just… I don’t know. I’m just not really interested right now, but I’ll think about it.”

“Okay good,” you state with finality, “then we can double date and stuff. You’re my best friend, so I want you to meet my dates, and I want to meet yours, got it? And no settling. You’re a catch, and you deserve the best.” With a loud ring, your alarm goes off, reminding you that you need to leave for work, “Oh well, I have to go now. I’ll be back around 5:30… are you going to be around? I have another date tonight, and I want your approval on my outfit again.”

Forcing a smile, Brendon nods, “Yeah. I should be back by then. If I’m not, just remember, no showing too much skin,” his eyes narrow, “No man should see too much of you on the first date. You don’t need to sell your body to get a guy. Any guy worth their salt will see that you’re wonderful beyond your body, okay.”

With a quick kiss to his forehead, you head out the door, “Got it. I’ll see you later then!”

|———|

“Hey Y/n!” Brendon calls out, barreling through the door at 5:45, “I’m back! When do you leave?”

“Oh hey Bren,” you poke your head out of the bathroom, “I need to leave by 6:15. How’s this look?” Exiting the bathroom, you show him your outfit of a long sleeved red top and ripped skinny jeans. “I’ll wear my brown booties with this. We’re just going for casual dinner, so I didn’t want to over dress. Do you think this will work?”

Looking you up and down, he cocks his head to the side, considering, “I think maybe… do you have a long necklace of some sort here?”

“I- yeah, I think so,” Rummaging through your pile of accessories, you pull out a long necklace with three triangles on the end, “Will this work?”

Smiling broadly, Brendon nods, “That’ll work great. You look good, like always. You’re, um, you’re beautiful in anything really, but, ah… yeah, you look good. Just, here let me…” reaching out, he smooths down a strand of hair, “There you go. Have a good dinner, okay sweetheart?” He rests his hands on your shoulders, “And don’t push yourself like you did last time. If you can’t handle it, he should understand that, and if you need rescuing, I’m only a phone call away.”

Nodding, you reach out and ruffle his hair, smiling as it sticks out when you pull your hand away. “Thank you, Bren. It means a lot, having you here for me. And, um, think about what we discussed this morning okay?”

He nods, biting his lip, “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Bouncing up and down excitedly, you head towards the door to put your shoes on, “Thanks for humoring me. Not to be selfish or anything, but I’m really excited for this date. I met this guy on Bumble, and he’s super cute. 

“I- you… You met this guy online?!” Brendon explodes, “Y/n! Why didn’t you tell me this before? I didn’t know you were online dating! Why didn’t you say anything? I would have come with you to make sure you’re safe, but I can’t because I have a conference call in 45 minutes. Y/n! What were you thinking!?”

Sighing, you roll your eyes at him, “Brendon. I am a big girl who can take care of herself. I didn’t say anything because IT DOESN’T MATTER. It doesn’t matter where I met him, really. And online dating opens up the pool of potential candidates. He’s a great guy, who shares a lot of similar interests. Plus he’s cute which is something I DON'T always get when dating people I meet in real life.”

“Hmph,” Brendon frowns at you, “I don’t like it. And I will let it be known that I don’t like it. But you’re right; you can take care of yourself. Now go on. You look fabulous. And if ANYTHING seems suspicious about this guy, text me or call me immediately.”

“Oh-kay Brendon. I promise to keep you updated on my safety. Now have a good night to yourself!” Waving at him, over your shoulder, you leave, door closing behind you with a thud. 

As he watches you leave, Brendon gives a sad smile, whispering, “Have a good time without me, Y/n. I love you.” Turning around, he flops out on the couch and buries his face in a cushion, “It's not fair. She’s everything to me, and I’m just her best friend. She’s perfect. No one even compares,” he scoffs, “as if I could think about going on dates with anyone else.” Flipping onto his side, he grabs another cushion to hug, curling in on himself. “I’m so far off her radar that she’s using a DATING APP now.” He runs a hand through his hair, “This guy better be a perfect gentleman.”

|———|

Seeing Brendon working intently on his laptop when you return, you call out quietly, “Hey Bren. I’m back. How was your night?”

He looks up and smiles at you softly before getting up to greet you with a hug, “Eh. It was quiet without you. Nothing special. How was your date?”

“It was good! I had a really good time! The guy… he’s great. He’s really cool and we have great chemistry. He’s smart and funny and… he’s even more attractive than in pictures! Ugh, Bren,” you fling your body on the couch, “It’s like… I don’t even know how to describe it. There was just this… this spark between us. It’s like we were made for each other. I don’t know. Have you ever felt that bef- hey what’s wrong?” Looking over, you see Brendon biting his lip, brow furrowed. 

Shaking his head, he rearranges his face into a neutral expression, “Oh, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about what you were saying. I… yeah... I’ve felt that before, but clearly it didn’t work out because here I am. Single and definitely not ready to mingle.” He sighs and tugs at his hair miserably, “I AM happy for you though. You deserve someone good in your life that gets you excited and makes you happy.”

“Awww Bren,” you get up and plop yourself on his lap to give him a hug, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with whoever she was. You deserve to be happy too and to have someone that makes you giddy and excited… someone that’s made for you.”

Wrapping his arms around you, he holds you tightly, “It’s just that… I have that feeling about someone, and she…” his voice is muffled against your neck, “she doesn’t see me as a potential partner. But I- I can’t get over her. THAT’S why I haven’t gone any dates recently. I’m hung up on this girl, and she won’t even give me a second glance. She’s all the things you said about your guy - cute, funny, smart… Fuck- being around her makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time because she’ll never want me the way I want her. I’m head over heels for her and she has no idea. God, Y/n… she has absolutely no clue.”

“Hey shhhhh. It’ll be alright.” You hold Brendon tightly as his shoulders shake, “It’ll be okay. You’ll get over her and find someone else, or someone else will come around and you’ll forget all about this girl. It’s been a while, yeah?” He nods, “Okay, well I know it’s long and hard and- not like that!” You smack him as he starts to chuckle into your neck, “Brain out of the gutter, Brendon. Jesus.”

Pulling his head out of your neck, he starts laughing even harder, “I’m sorry, but it’s true! It’s been long and hard in both ways. She’s the most goddamn gorgeous woman I’ve ever met, and I just… yeah. I’ve become very good friends with my right hand, okay?”

“Brendon!” You squeal, smacking him again, “I didn’t need to know that! Tmi, Bren. Way tmi.”

“Aww you don’t want to hear about how I get half-hard just being around her? How I touch myself in the shower or,” he glares at you teasingly, “in my bed back before I was sharing it with you?” You gape at him, opening and closing your mouth wordlessly. With a chuckle, he tugs you close and leans in, dropping a peck on your forehead, “Well on that note,” he smirks, “I think it’s time we went to bed. And if you have a wet dream and get all hot and bothered in your sleep, I’ll assume you enjoy the thought of me and my right hand.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, I’m going out with Mark again tonight.” you inform Brendon, walking out of his room in a short, tight, black dress.

Turning around on the couch to look at your, his eyes widen comically, “Y/n-“ he chokes, “you’re not… you’re not wearing that, uh, out… are you?”

“I- what do you mean? Do I… do I look fat or something? Be honest. Do I look bad in this?”

“No, I… it’s just… you look-“ he suppresses a whimper as you turn around, showing him the fabric pulled tight across your ass, “um… too good? You, errrrr…”

Furrowing your brow, you turn back around to look at him quizzically, “I look too good? What on earth does that mean?”

“It’s just, um…” he bites his lip, trying to figure out what to tell you, “you can… see… Y/n! Are- are you… I mean… that… that dress is small and short and tight and you can see everything! I just don’t want you going out in that! What if Mark doesn’t have good intentions?”

Sighing you drop to your knees carefully in front of him, “Brendon. Calm down. I know that you’re protective of me and care about me, and I love that about you, but it’ll be fine. I’ve been on a bunch of dates with Mark, and I promise that he’s a gentleman. He’s been perfectly sweet and respectful, and he won’t do anything I don’t want him to.”

“I just… do you have to wear THAT?” He whines, “I don’t like you going out showing so much of your body. Y/nnnnnnnn.”

You place your hands on Brendon’s thighs, “Look Bren. I know what I’m doing. I PROMISE I’ll be fine, but I promise I’ll call you if anything bad happens. Will it help if I introduce you to Mark? I can bring him over next time if you want. I really like this guy, and I think you should meet him.”

With a pained expression, Brendon closes his eyes to you, kneeling sweetly in front of him. “Okay,” he breathes, “that… that sounds good. You, um, should probably get up and go finish getting ready then.”

You shrug and stand up, misinterpreting his expression as concern, “Thanks for understanding, Bren. I’m excited for you to meet him.”

|———|

Checking the time, Brendon sighs when he sees it’s 2am. “Should I…” he mumbles to himself, “No. I’m not going to call her. She promised she would call me if anything happened. She’s fine. She’s just…” Pausing, he stops and replays the earlier interaction with you. “Wait. She’s… no. No way. ‘He won’t do anything I don’t want him to.’ She… oh. Oh no. She wore that with- with the intention...” he closes his eyes, trying to keep it together, “Just face it. She’s not coming back tonight.”

Whimpering, he rolls off the couch and pads over to the kitchen. He opens the freezer and grabs a pint of ice cream and a spoon. Shuffling back to the couch, he flops back out. With a drawn out sigh, he digs into the ice cream, choking back small sobs. 

|——-|

Creeping in carefully, you close the door behind you quietly. As you take your shoes off, you spy Brendon sprawled out across the couch, glasses askew, cheeks stained with tears, with an empty tub of ice cream next to him. “Oh Bren,” you sigh, “what happened?” Reaching down, you shake him gently with a whisper, “Hey. Bren. Wake up. Come on buddy. Let’s get you into your bed.”

Stirring, Brendon stretches, his shirt riding up to flash a sliver of smooth skin. He blinks and focuses on you looking down at him, “Hey,” he gets out, voice rough with sleep, “what time is it?”

“It’s 6am. You have a couple more hours until you have to be up. Let’s get you over to your bed so you can get a little more sleep. I’ll shower and make some breakfast, and we can talk about what happened when you wake up.” Tugging on his arm, you drag Brendon up off the couch, and he stumbles after you groggily. Reaching his room, you wait for him to climb into bed and pull the blankets up over him. You ruffle his hair and kiss his forehead tenderly, “G’night Bren. Sweet dreams. See you in a bit.”

|———|

Waking with a start, Brendon groans tiredly, rubbing his neck as he tries to remember what happened the previous night. From the kitchen, you hear Brendon’s groan and hop up to greet him. He stumbles out of his room, scratching at his scalp. “Hey Bren,” you chirp, “how are you feeling?”

“Been better,” his back cracks loudly as he yawns and stretches, “But also been worse. I may have eaten an entire tub of ice cream, but least I’m not hungover.”

Nodding, you agree with him, “Well… I made eggs and bacon. Do you want to sit and eat, and you can tell me WHY you decided to eat an entire tub of ice cream?”

Having eagerly moved to grab a plate at the mention of food, Brendon stops in his tracks, “I, uh, you know… maybe… maybe I’ll just, uh, go back to bed.”

“Nope,” your eyes narrow at him, “you’re not avoiding this. Is this about the girl you’re hung up on? If you’re eating whole tubs of ice cream and crying yourself to sleep, you’re clearly not okay.” Voice softening, you reach out to him, “C’mon Bren. Talk to me. Let me help you.”

Frozen, Brendon looks around frantically for an escape, “I… I’d rather not. Um…”

Grabbing his arm, you guide him to sit at the table. You grab a plate and serve him some breakfast then sit down across the table from him, “Alright, Bren. Spill. You might not want to talk about if, but you need to.”

“C-c-can you… Can you answer this question first? Did- did you sleep with Mark last night?” he whispers, “Is that why you didn’t come home?”

Confused, you raise an eyebrow at him, “I’m not sure how that’s important to this discussion, and it’s not REALLY any of your business, but no. I didn’t. I just stayed over because it was late, and Mark didn’t want me driving home that late. He was a perfect gentleman like I told you, and he slept on the couch and let me take the bed. So now. Tell me what’s going on with you. ”

Brendon takes a big bite of his food, avoiding eye contact with you. “Don’t wanna,” he mumbles through his mouthful.

“Brendon, if you don’t tell me what’s going on with you and what caused you to decide you needed to eat an entire tub of ice cream, then I’m going to stop letting you take care of me,” you threaten, glaring at him in exasperation. “The way I see it is you’re taking care of me, and I'll take care of you. The moment you don’t let me take care of you is the one I stop letting you take care of me.”

Brendon bites his lip, deciding what to say, “I… fine. What do you want to know?”

“Well, I want to know what put you in the state I found you in last night. But since you’re apparently not going to tell me straight, I’m going to have to guess?” You raise an eyebrow at him, daring him to lie to you, “Is this about a girl? THE girl? That you’re hung up on that you were telling me about? Which… I’m slightly insulted you didn’t tell me about before because that seems like a big deal - meeting someone that seems made for you…”

“I… well… there’s, um, a reason why I didn’t tell you about meeting this girl…” you purse your lips and wait expectantly for him to continue. “It’s because, um… it’s, uh… the, uh…” Brendon scratches his neck awkwardly, “it’s because the girl… it’s you… I’m hung up on YOU.”

Blinking, you stare at him uncomprehendingly, “Me? You… like… me?” Brendon bites his lip and nods slowly, scared of your reaction once you register what this means. “I’m… the girl you’ve been hung up on… is me? You’ve been hung up on me, so you haven’t been going on dates with other people? I… Bren… is- is that why you’re taking care of me? You wanted to woo me over or something?”

“No! Y/n! I never planned on admitting my feelings for you,” Brendon blurts out, “Maybe I took care of you because I love you... but I don’t, and never will, expect anything in repayment.”

Gaping at him, you choke a little, “L-love? You… love me?”

He sighs, dropping his head into his hands, “Of course I love you, Y/n. How could I not? You’re perfect for me. You complete me in every way. You’re just… you’re YOU, and I love everything about you. I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to come out. If you… if you’re uncomfortable… you can leave. I’m not making you stay here with me… I think you’re healthy enough to be on your own if you want to be. You don’t need to stay here with me now. Especially since you know about my feelings.”

“I- you- it- why’d you- I- you never told me!” you sputter, “I didn’t know and you never said anything! Why didn’t you ever say anything!?”

“Cuz you clearly didn’t feel the same,” Brendon mumbles, refusing to meet your gaze, “You’re my other half. You complete me. You’re made for me… but clearly you didn’t feel that way. And now you’ve found someone else that’s your other half!”

Furrowing your brow, you look at Brendon, “Does that mean you’re okay with me seeing Mark? It doesn’t bother you?”

He sighs, hugging himself, “I mean… you said yourself, he’s made for you. Mark is that person for you, and things are going well. Don’t let me get in the way of that. I’ve dealt with my feelings for this long; I can keep dealing with them. Does it bother me? Of course. All your ex’s bother me. But I’ll handle it. Don’t worry about me.” The look on his face breaks your heart. He had been in love with you for so long, and it had never crossed your mind that he could want to be with you in that way. 

“Hey,” you call to get him to look at you, “I may not reciprocate your feelings, but I just can't stand to see you like this. You're my best friend, and it breaks my heart see you like this even though I'm the one who’s causing it.”

After a moment, you thump your hand on the table, causing Brendon to jump, “I'm not moving out unless you want me to.” The look of shock on his face makes you continue. “I trust you. And, well, I… I trust you. Stuff is picking back up at work and, um, it’ll be bad if I spiral again right? If you WANT me to leave, I can. I don't know how this is going to work but, hey, it's you and me. We'll figure out, right?” Making your voice sound hopeful, you add, “Besides, we promised, besties for life.”

“I- of course,” he mumbles confused, “so you’re okay with me having feelings with you? I can, uh, move back out onto the couch if it makes you more comfortable…”

You shrug, “I mean, you can if you want, but actually nothing has really changed. We should probably put a pillow barrier between us on the bed though. Just in case… but your feelings haven’t changed. I’m just aware of them now. As long as we keep on as we’ve been keeping on, we should be fine, right?”

“Guess so,” he says into his breakfast, “if that’s decided, can I finish my breakfast and we can talk about something else?”


End file.
